You’re exhausted, your body is in a unique state of transition (to put it nicely) and you have a perfect, tiny human needing your care and attention 24/7. Husband? What husband?
In the busyness of the first six weeks home, medical professionals do mothers a favor by banning intercourse. Upon the postpartum run down, my doctor explicitly pointed this out to my husband with the tone and eye gaze of a high school principal. After my first son was born my husband and I walked around like zombies cycling through anxiety, sleep deprivation, baby joy and back to anxiety. We lost touch with our relationship because we had renamed our relationship, converting our label from “married” to “parents”; thereby, replacing all the marriage romance with the overwhelming responsibility of parents. This Thursday will be the six week postpartum anniversary for our second child and we have exercised a completely different balance in marriage and parenting this go-around, allowing ourselves to juggle these labels with much more grace. Here are 7 things we did differently.
1. Nest Cam Debauchery
I'm writing this first because it is the most fun. Of course, the Nest Cam is not completely necessary, you can use any baby camera devise, but the Nest Cam is especially lust-friendly because your husband can sneak a peek at work or wherever he is. Some examples include: G- rated strip tease (while baby is sleeping) or intercom stating “great job, sexy mama!”
2. Everything But...
Yes, 6 weeks, or longer if prescribed, is a long time to wait to have intercourse again but there are lots of other fun things to do with your spouse in the bedroom, and if your co-sleeping, on the couch, and if your in-laws are staying for a month, the car or bathroom. Now is the time to reflect on your high school days! Start with good ‘ol fashion make out sesh and see where it leads.
3. Nap Time is You Time
Don't you dare fold the laundry while your baby is sleeping! Nap time is the most sacred time for you and your husband. Take this time to nap together, snuggle, have a non-baby related conversation, or cook together (which I've read is an aphrodisiac possibly leading to ideas discussed in #2). Whatever you do, do it together. You'll be happier, more connected parents when the baby wakes.
4. Sexy Sitting
Between feeding, facilitating optimal sleep positioning, and skin-to-skin time, get your ass ready-Girl, you're gonna be sitting A LOT. Why not make some of your sitting time a little sexier? You can watch a sexy show, we became addicted to Californication- good grief David Duchovony is delicious, and looks like my husband a bit, Ha-back to #2 :) You could also read a love scene abundant book or Cosmo magazine always has spicy articles. The point here is to remind yourself that you can still be beautiful, strong and sexy as a new mom.
5.Hot Dad Alert!
Bringing your adorable baby home is one of the most incredible times in a woman's life. It is also the most terrifying time in a man's life. It's hard for guys. They don't know what to do and they have moved down a rung, or two, on the priorities poll. If you see your partner trying to making an effort to help out, PRAISE him with "thanks, babe", "you're a great dad" or "you look so hot wearing the baby carrier". This is mutually beneficial; he feels good, you feel good, and it is likely to happen again. In my opinion, positive praise is vital to a high-functioning parenting partnership. And when you are both happy working together to take care of the new babe it contributes to your marriage.
Good luck out there new mamas! Take care of yourself, your baby and don't forget about your marriage.